


Can We Go Back?

by Zurenika



Category: SF9 (Band)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-04-04 03:04:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14010792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zurenika/pseuds/Zurenika





	1. Chapter 1

Youngbin had been staring at the ceiling for what felt like hours now, still feeling wide awake. Beside him, Jaeyoon was snoring softly and he really envies how the guy immediately fell asleep as soon as he hit the bed. 

"Oh well," he muttered, sitting up. 

Youngbin's first thought was to go read a book to help him sleep but he didn't feel like it so he decided to check about them online. He grabbed his laptop from their cabinet and went out of the room quietly. The entire apartment was in darkness but they've been living in the place long enough that he has pretty much memorized where everything was. 

He made his way to the kitchen and opened the laptop. 

He checked the fancafe first, just reading the messages left by fans but lost interest after a few minutes. 

having not else to do that he can think of, he decided to just look up pictures of them. He has always been amazed of the photography skills of fansites. And even more so when they managed to take pictures during their events in Japan. 

He was just browsing through random tags when it came up. 

#InDa

With a heavy breath, he decided to check it out. And sure enough, there were a lot pictures of Inseong and Dawon together. Both look so beautiful and happy and just... 

"I shouldn't have done this," he whispered to himself but all the same, he kept on browsing the tag. 

the sound of the front door opening pulled him back to reality. For a second, he panicked because as far as he knows, no one among them had a different schedule. But then recognized the voices and was immediately relieved and if Youngbin would be honest, a little annoyed. 

"Oh, hyung!" Dawon said finally spotting him. Inseong appeared behind the guy after a second and waved at him. 

"Hi," he replied as he closed the browser, it some shocked him how his smile came easy and natural.

"What are you doing online this late at night?" Dawon teased as he approached him. Youngbin turned the laptop towards him showing him the empty screen and was awarded with an exaggerated frown. 

"And what did you two do outside?" Youngbin asked. 

"We were planning to eat outside but Dawon was telling me about this movie that I have to watch, apparently, and we decided to buy some snacks," Inseong replied joining them in the kitchen. 

"Come on, watch it with us!" Dawon said, pulling at his arm. 

"Nah, I'm feeling sleepy now so," Youngbin said as he stood. 

"Are you sure?" Inseong asked. 

Youngbin nodded. "You two have fun. And make sure you sleep afterwards. We have a schedule tomorrow morning," he reminded them. 

"Dawon, come on then," Inseong said making his way to the living room. Dawon followed him after a second and they both plopped down on the floor, the bag of snacks in front of them. 

Youngbin watched them for a second before returning to his room, letting the door fall close softly and cutting off the chatter and laughter from the living room. 

The pictures were burned in his mind. The way Dawon was smiling, how his entire face lit up when with Inseong or the fact they're really actually just so touchy with each other and... 

Youngbin sighed and thought back to the last time that he was actually with Dawon. They were pretty close during trainee days and Fanfare era and yeah, they're still pretty close today but things change. It's something that Youngbin is aware of and personally, he has seen it around. 

Things change, people change, the group dynamics change and him being close to Dawon was something that he hoped would stay the same. But he was wrong. With all of Dawon's other schedules and some of those with Inseong or Rowoon, it's bound to happen. 

He sighed. And closed his eyes. 

How he wishes things would go back to the way it was before. 


	2. 2

It was hard but Youngbin has no other choice. 

Whenever Dawon talks to him, he keeps it as short as possible, making up excuses here and there just so he wouldn't have to spend more time with the guy. And the smiles somehow get easier to fake each day - especially if he just averts his eyes whenever Inseong and Dawon get close to each other. He knows it's just for the fans but sometimes, he can't help but be jealous by their closeness and the hugs and kisses and the hand holding. 

It was a particular bad day for him. Youngbin couldn't explain it but he's been in a bad mood the moment he woke up. Everyone immediately picked up on it and tried to steer clear of him. He didn't blame them. He was actually happy for he can brood in silence. It was quite a busy day of recordings, fansigns and more recordings that Youngbin felt his mood getting a lot more worse. He even snapped at Chani while they were having lunch which killed the fun mood that was surrounding them. 

Finally they were home. The silhouette of their apartment building a very welcome sight. As they were walking towards their dorm, Younbing felt a familiar warmth on his wrist. He didn't think much of it in order not to disappoint himself. He continued to walk but the hand pulled him to a stop. The rest of the guys walked away without saying anything and Youngbin had no choice but to face him. 

"Are you okay?" Dawon asked. 

Youngbin's heart skipped a beat, but he didn't dwell on it. This is just Dawon being concerned with the group as a whole and not with him. 

"I'm fine," Youngbin answered as he tried to shake his hand off the other's grip. In turn, Dawon just tightened his hand on Youngbin's wrist until the older stopped trying to remove it. 

"What's wrong, hyung?" Dawon asked once more, taking a step closer.

Youngbin closed his eyes. There's a lot of things that's wrong. You, for one, he thought but said nothing. 

"Hyung, please talk to me," 

Youngbin sighed and bowed his head. "It's nothing. I'm just... so tired lately," he answered. 

"It isn't just today, hyung. You've been acting weird the last few days," Dawon said. 

That caused Youngbin to look up at the guy but the other's expression was unreadable. 

"You've been avoiding me," Dawon said matter-of-factly, his voice laced with hurt. 

"I'm not," Youngbin scoffed. "You're just thinking too much," he pulled his hand a little harder and managed to shake off Dawon's grip. "Let's just go up and rest," 

Youngbin turned on his heels and started walking towards the building. He started this day in a mood and now he's confused as hell that he can feel a terrible headache building up. 

"Youngbin hyung," 

For the second time, Dawon managed to stop him in his tracks, but this time, the hand that was holding on to him was stronger and with a force that surprised him, Dawon pulled at Youngbin's hand, causing him to face the younger guy.

Youngbin would have given Dawon a scolding if not for the guy hugging him. 

"Hyung," Dawon whispered just near his ear. "I'm so sorry.. I don't know what i did but i feel like it's my fault... I'm so sorry," he continued, his hand tracing small circles at the small of his back. 

Youngbin closed his eyes, hands balling into fists. Every inch of him wanted to return the embrace, to hold Dawon as close to him as possible but he knew that doing so would hurt him in the end so his arms feel limp and heavy beside him. 

Dawon pulled back yet kept his hands on Youngbin's waist. "Youngbin-ah," 

That made him smile. Sometimes, he allows Dawon to call him by name and to hear that once again after so long...

"Talk to me, please," Dawon said. 

Youngbin met his gaze feeling the weight of the situation all of a sudden. There was something in Dawon's eyes that he can't figure out but he knew deep in his heart that what he says now would determine everything.


	3. Chapter 3

Youngbin's mind was a mess, half of him wanting to tell the truth and confess to Dawon while the other half was ready with some sort of lie. 

"Youngbin-ah," 

Dawon touched his arm, making him jump a little, and gently guided him towards the park.

"I don't remember the park being this close to the dorm," Youngbin muttered. He must have been so out of it that he didn't even realize where they were going. 

"So," Youngbin started. Dawon hummed and kept looking at him expectantly. 

They were standing about a meter apart, facing each other. 

"Why have you been avoiding me?" Dawon asked. His voice was soft and gentle, no hint of any accusation. 

Youngbin took a deep breath, his mind mulling over things. Dawon remained quiet which was so unlike the guy that it's starting to make Youngbin a little bit nervous. He should confess and get this over with but then again, he's afraid that it would put a strain on their working relationship and affect the whole group. 

"Youngbin-ah?" 

There's really something about the way Dawon says his name that makes his insides curl up into a thousand emotions. Youngbin took in a deep breath and clenched his fists, finally deciding on what to do. 

"I-I think you're just overreacting," he said. "I mean, yes we were close during our trainee days but I guess all that changed after debut. You and Inseong and Rowoon and Chani, you guys have schedules outside of the group and you're all staying in one room together so maybe you all just got really close to each other. You're just overthinking it," 

It felt like he was watching a slow-motion clip, the words coming out from his mouth changed Dawon's expression into a mask by the second - cold and unreadable. It left a bitter taste in his mouth and he wanted to take them back as soon as he said them but it was too late. 

It's for the group, he kept repeating to himself but even the words grow weak with every iteration. 

The silence stretched long between them, their gazes, unwavering, on each other's face. Youngbin tore his gaze away, unable to take it anymore, and fixed his sight to the ground. 

"That's just it," he muttered. 

"That's just it," the way Dawon repeated the words made him flinch. "Okay. That's just it then." Without another word, Dawon left, the sound of his footsteps walking away echoed loudly around Youngbin. He clenched his fists tighter, feeling his nail digging into the skin. 

"Fuck it,"

Youngbin whipped around and hurried after Dawon, managing to stop him by blocking the path ahead. 

"Wait! I lied. The truth is, I'm jealous of you and Inseong. I'm jealous that you two spend a lot of time together and that you sometimes turn me down just so you could accommodate him. I hate it that I'm having a hard time talking to you nowadays when it wasn't like that before. I wanted to talk to you and tell you but... I just thought that you're more happy and comfortable with him and that I really don't have a hold over you so I figured that I'd just avoid you except when it's about work or something," 

The words just poured out of Youngbin and by that time, he didn't care anymore. 

"I-I like you, Sanghyuk-ssi," Youngbin finally said, holding the other man's gaze. He can feel his heartbeat ringing in his ears as the words hung between them. He knew very well that Sanghyuk could just continue walking away and he would be okay with that now that he has admitted the truth. 

Sanghyuk took a step forward and that small motion made Youngbin's heartbreak. He looked at the ground, not wanting to see the other guy walk away from him. 

"Youngbin-ah," 

Sanghyuk was standing close to him. 

He didn't walk away, was all Youngbin could think of. 

"You should have told me this before," he said softly. "I'm sorry. I really am. It's just that, you really look busy most of the time that I thought I would give you some time to rest... that's why I kept turning you down. You look a really stressed since the debut and just... I'm really sorry." 

"You know, Inseong is like a brother to me. An older brother. But you... You have always been more than a friend to me... I guess we could take things slow and give us a try?" Sanghyuk said with a smile. 

"I-what?!" Youngbin exclaimed. 

Sanghyuk smiled wider. "What I'm saying is, yes, I'll date you and see where this will lead us,"


End file.
